We’re halfway through Goblet
of Fire, and here’s what’s happening: Hermione is stepping up her game on
the “free-the-house-elves” front, everyone continues not to care sufficiently about
Neville, the owls need a PETA representative, Hermione wants to mouth-kiss
cannot abide by Krum, Ron and Harry are acting like mean girls, Sirius is saying things seriously and Snape
is snapping, Bagman is acting MORE suspicious, wizard journalists do not learn
ethics in Wizard Journalism School, and wands continue to be so very dirty (“I
polish it every night”; “rather thicker than one usually sees . . . quite rigid”).
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| I'm so sorry, Mom. |
On the topic of house-elves, Ron so sincerely believes that
they like to be enslaved, and Hagrid repeats
that same belief later. To that I say, of COURSE the house-elves like being
enslaved. I'm thoroughly convinced. When was the last time I heard that argument . . . OH YEAH.
 |
| Your wizard logic is faulty. |
And I suppose the owls ALSO enjoy their life of hard labor?
(Oh, they do, you say? Very well then.) Harry is pretty hard on Hedwig. She
flies for days and who (owl humor) knows how far to get a letter to Sirius, and then the very
next morning, Harry makes her fly out again to deliver a stupid letter that is
stupid. You SHOW him your tail feathers, girl. He doesn’t even deserve you.
Oh, that reminds me. I have a bone to pick with Rowling about
the owls. So Hedwig can find Sirius in his most secret of secret headquarters.
Acceptable. Hedwig is a very special owl, even as far as magical owls go. But
then Harry is able to grab just a random school owl to send a letter to Sirius,
and this owl will ALSO be able to find him without any difficulty. So, I ask
you, what’s stopping the Ministry of Magic from just . . . sending Sirius an owl? And
then when the owl got to his hidden location to deliver the “message,” the
message would be “SURPRISE! DEMENTOR'S KISS. Love, Ministry of Magic.”
I leave you with Potter and Malfoy, mean girls:
